Not Only The Light
by darthwhatever
Summary: Jade West is the new girl at Hollywood Arts and has her heart set on Tori Vega. It's love at first sight, but too bad things are never that easy. Terrible at summaries, hopefully the story is better than it sounds.
1. Prologue

**Tori P.O.V.**

I walk into the waiting room with my parents trailing close behind and sit on the chairs while my mother pushes the button outside the door that lets the therapist know I'm here. About a minute later he opens the door and smiles, inviting me in. I glance at my parents before following him inside his office. Nothing has changed since the last time I was here a month ago. Not his office décor, not me. My family expects me to change, to suddenly become normal after a few visits with Dr. Conner, but there's no such thing as normality in humanity. If only they understood that like I did.

We each sit down, me on the couch and Dr. Conner on a chair just across from me. He looks at me for a moment before giving what I'm sure he thinks is a 'friendly' and 'inviting' smile. I just think he looks stupid.

"So, Tori, how are we feeling today?" he asks, sitting back and resting his left foot on his right knee.

"I'm feeling just fine, thanks." I look down at my hands and play with my fingers. We sit in uncomfortable silence for a few moments before he finally speaks, knowing from our past sessions that I'm not going to talk any time soon. I hardly ever do.

"Tori, I think you forget you're here to open up," he sighs. "Are you ready to talk about Jamie?" My eyes shoot up at the name and my fists clench as I shake my head no. He sighs again and mumbles something about finding a new topic of discussion as he scribbles away in his notepad. I can only guess what all his notes say about me. Probably something along the lines of _self-destructive, devoid of feelings,_ _impulsive, distant from others,_ blah, blah, blah. They're all just meaningless words to me. I'm just an easy paycheck to him. He's a savior to my parents; they think he'll 'fix' whatever's wrong with me. I think they're full of shit. And so the cycle goes round and round. _Great. _

**Jade P.O.V.**

The music is blasting in my room and I faintly here my mother yell for me to turn it down. I roll my eyes and smirk as I turn it up louder. I lie back down on my bed with a magazine in hand and start to flip through the pages. It's kind of uninteresting but I do need something to occupy my time. I check my phone quickly to see if I have any missed calls from dear old father. I know my phone would most likely hold nothing, but I'm still a bit disappointed and angry when this turns out true.

About a half hour later after the magazine has been tossed aside and I'm sitting there daydreaming, a loud knock on my door startles me back to reality. I get up and open my door, ready for my mother to yell at me for not turning down the music. Instead she's standing there with a grin on her face and her phone clutched tightly in her hand. I half expect her to tell me that Dad's coming back to us but then internally kick myself for thinking such stupid thoughts.

"What's going on?" I ask with a confused look on my face.

"You got in!" she exclaims happily.

"I'm in? For reals?" I can feel the smile spreading across my face as she nods and tells me I start school at Hollywood Arts next week. We share an awkward hug and then I return to my room and she goes back to doing whatever it is she does. I flop back down on my bed with the grin still on my face, but then groan as I realize I know no one or nothing about that school, other than it being a performing arts school. _I'm going to look like a lost pet or something_, I think with a sigh. But I'm sure it'll be worth it. It has to be.

…

**A/N: sorry there's no Jori in this chapter, it was really more of a prologue to give some small background on the girls. Reviews would be great though :) **


	2. Ice Queen

**Jade P.O.V.**

First day at a new school. "Yay me,"I sigh quietly to myself as I try desperately to find my locker without looking like a lost puppy. I'm looking at the lockers, trying to see if I'm headed in the right way, but the school is so screwy and confusing I'm not sure which direction to take. I decide I need to ask _someone _for help and spot a tall guy with black fluffy hair in jeans and a V-neck. He sees me as I make my way over to him and offers a friendly smile. I smile back awkwardly before asking, "Hey, uhm, do you know where locker three-oh-three is?"

"Oh, yeah, I could take you there if you want?" He seems nice enough so I quickly agree before shoving my schedule in my back pocket and following him down the hallway in the opposite way I was headed.

"So, are you new here?" he asks suddenly, breaking the awkward silence and glancing over at me.

"Yeah, how could you tell?" I answer, sarcasm dripping from every word.

"Just a lucky guess," he chuckles, "I'm Beck Oliver, by the way." He stops walking and extends his hand out to me.

"Jade West," I shake his hand and look to the locker next to me. _303 _is written on a small golden plate and I notice that it's a plain blue color while all the other lockers are decorated colorfully and uniquely.

"Oh, yeah, you're supposed to decorate your locker yourself and try to make it artsy and all about _you_." Beck says as he notices me staring back and forth between my locker and the others. "And you're welcome to hang out with me and some of my friends if you want, since I'm probably now the only person you know here."

"Sure, that'd be cool," I laugh. "Why don't you point out your friends so I have an idea of who to look for?"

He smiles as he tells me all about 'the gang,' as he likes to call it, while I get my things settled into my locker. There's Andre Harris, the music man. Cat Valentine, the redheaded ditzy one. Robbie Shapiro, the weird kid with the puppet. And the last person he points out is a beautiful brunette named Tori Vega.

"What's her deal?" I ask when I notice he doesn't give any real information on her like he did the others. His smile falters and his eyes cast downwards.

"Well, let's see. She's nice, funny, and talented. That's about as much as anyone knows about her, except maybe Andre. I know they're really close but I don't know how much Andre actually _knows_ her. Oh, and she has a really annoying sister." He looks up and gazes at the brunette, his smile picking up a little, but it doesn't touch his eyes.

"So basically she's kind of cold?" I tear my eyes away from his face and look back at the girl in question. My eyes travel over her body and I can't help the sudden hitch in my breathing. She's the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen, without a doubt and all I seem to be able to do is stare.

"She's an ice queen. You'd need a flame thrower to get inside that."

I turn back to him to find he's already looking at me with eyebrows raised and a suspicious smile as if he knows a secret of mine. I blush and stare down at the floor while clearing my throat. "Well, uh, I think the bell is about to ring so I'll see ya in class." I mutter quickly as I slam my locker shut and walk away. The rest of the morning I'm fidgety and nervous, knowing I'll soon be meeting the beauty named Tori Vega. I can't quite place my finger on why, but I want to knowher. And the fact that Beck called her an 'ice queen' who's impossible to break makes me even more intrigued.

Fourth period rolls around quickly and I have class with Beck and 'the gang' for Mr. Sikowitz class. I'm still kind of nervous but at least I know Beck and he seemed to be cool. I walk into the room and look around until I see the fluffy black hair. The beautiful brunette is in the seat behind him and I feel the nerves in my stomach begin to act up again.

"Hey, Beck," I say in a shaky voice, walking over to sit in the empty seat beside him.

"Hey, new girl," he smiles. He calls attention to the people he had pointed out earlier and begins to introduce me to everyone, even the puppet.

"And that," he turns around, pointing to the girl that's been on my mind all day, "is Tori Vega. Tori, new girl Jade West." She gives me a friendly smile but says nothing.

"Nice to meet you," I say, looking into her big brown eyes that remind me of coffee.

"Nice to meet you too. How do you like it so far?" she tilts her head just a little, almost in a childlike way.

"Keeps getting better," I mutter, fighting to keep my eyes from roaming her body again. Class begins and I turn around to face the front, though I wish I could have continued talking to a certain Vega. We learn different acting methods and a few people go up and perform, me being one of them, seeing as how Sikowitz thought it necessary for me to 'break my new girl reputation,' as he had put it.

Before I know it, the bell rings, signaling lunch and the six of us (seven including the puppet) head outside to an empty table in the quad. We sit in a circle, the order going Andre, Robbie, Cat, Beck, me and Tori in between Andre and I. The butterflies in my stomach are going insane and the flutters of their wings are driving me crazy. I try to focus as the conversation starts up, but Tori and I both have our arms resting on the table and I can feel the electricity buzzing between us. This apparently gives the butterflies the green light to move fly around my stomach some more.

"So, Jade, we're all heading to Tori's place after school, you want to come?" Andre asks, pulling everyone's attention to me.

I look at Tori and give a small smile. "Is that okay?" I ask, knowing I would've shown up whether she said yes or no. I was just curious to see whether she wanted me around or not.

"Yeah, that's fine. These guys are in and out of my house all the time," she says, gesturing with a nod towards her friends. I smirk a little bit to myself, knowing I had the perfect opportunity. The only question now was whether or not I was going to take it.


	3. Afterhours

**Jade P.O.V.**

Tori's house is nice; it's a two story with a spacious living room and pretty kitchen. I glance at the stairs, wondering what Tori's bedroom looks like. I'm putting my backpack down on the couch as I wonder this when I heard an obnoxiously loud voice behind me.

"Hey, Tori, Tori's friends," I turn around to see a girl with dark brown hair and a lot of make-up. "Oh, and you are?" she asks, gesturing to me. I recall Beck saying something about an older annoying sister and I figure this thing must be it.

"This is Jade; she's new to Hollywood Arts. Jade, my sister Trina," Tori says, walking over to us and putting a hand on my shoulder. _And here come the butterflies_, I think. Stupid butterflies; I hate them. I offer a smile to Tori and she hesitantly returns it. Trina looks back and forth between me and her sister before shrugging.

"Well, I'm going to my room to put on my avocado mask." Trina starts to walk away but Tori quickly stops her. "Wait, uhm, where are mom and dad?" she asks. The only answer she gets from Trina is a weird look as if to say 'you're really asking that?' Tori's eyes cast downward for just a moment before she suddenly picks up again, likely remembering there were others here too. I can't help but wonder what that whole exchange was about.

"So, what do you guys wanna do?" she asks with a smile that doesn't look right, that I know she's faking. I had practiced and used that same smile about a million times.

…**.**

About an hour later everyone is seated around the Vega's kitchen table with cards in hands as we play poker. Surprisingly, Cat is on a winning streak, though no one is really sure how in hell that happened.

"Yay, full house again!" she giggles loudly as she pulls the chips in the pot towards her. The rest of us groan and throw down our cards on the table.

"Well, I'm out of chips and it's getting pretty late, I better get home." Andre says as he stretches out his arms above his head and yawns.

"I'll walk you out," Tori stands up, as does Andre, and my face falls a little in jealousy.

"Yeah, I gotta go, too. You kiddies want a ride?" Beck asks, looking at Cat and Robbie. Robbie nods and Cat gives a loud "Kay kay!" I feel a bit awkward, knowing I _should_ leave since everyone else is going, but not really wanting to.

They all subtly turns to me and I clear my throat before speaking up. "I'm gonna leave too, it _is_ getting late."

"Well, you don't have to; you could stay a bit longer?" Tori asks and I scarcely notice the weird look Beck shoots at her before I smile and nod. We say goodbye to the others, the weird look seemingly a permanent fix on Beck's face, and soon enough I'm left alone with Tori.

"And then there were two," I murmur as we sit on the couch. Tori laughs lightly and rests an arm on the back of sofa, turning to face me.

"So why'd you transfer schools?" she asks, obviously trying to start some kind of conversation.

"I really want to be an actress or director, maybe even a singer, so my mom thought it best if I went to Hollywood Arts." I smile and tilt my head just a little, the same way she'd done to me earlier. "And what about you? What's your story?"

"I want to be a singer and actress someday, but a singer more. That's pretty much my story," she chuckles humorlessly, her eyes down.

"That's your _whole_ story?" I raise an eyebrow in disbelief. She's nodding before I even finish my question.

"Uhm, yeah, pretty much. And it's not like you told me _your_ whole story," she counters, finally raising her eyes to meet mine. This makes me realize she's not the kind of girl to give something for nothing.

"Alright," I sigh, "Daddy cheated on Mommy and left us for another family a few months ago. Mommy dearest wanted a fresh start so we bought a new house and I transferred schools." Every word spoken is fueled by anger and I notice my hands are clenched, the way they always seem to do whenever I talk about that prick.

"I'm so sorry, Jade," Tori says softly, placing a hand on my knee. I look at her and see genuine concern in her expression.

"It's fine, Tori, I'm over it already," I lie, hoping she'll buy it.

"Obviously you're not." She grabs my hand and unclenches it for me, the feeling of her touching me being nicer than I expected. Her skin is soft and smooth and I want to feel more of it. I give a small smile as thanks and take a deep breath.

"Hey, where are your parents, by the way?" I ask suddenly, noticing I hadn't seen them around at all and it was nearly ten-thirty.

"Oh, um, they, well," she sputters, "You had better get going, if they come home and you're here so late they're gonna freak." She quickly stands up and I can't help the anger and frustration I feel building inside of me.

"So I tell you something personal of mine and you tell me absolutely nothing?" I stand up with her, my anger turning to pure frustration.

She looks down for a moment and sticks her hands in the back pockets of her jeans before speaking. "Well, my parents are never home, there's something personal." I roll my eyes at her 'intimate' detail.

"Yeah, you're right, I better leave. See you at school, Tori." With that I grab my backpack off the couch and make my way out of the house without another word. I faintly hear Tori call my name, but I don't turn around, as much as I really want to.

The drive home isn't long, maybe ten, fifteen minutes at most, but it feels like an eternity before I'm finally alone in my room. _How could I be so stupid?_ I think. I take a few deep breathes before realizing I'm making a big deal out of nothing. It wasn't like I was the first person who's dad walked out on them. And it wasn't as if Tori would go around telling this information to everyone. Why would she? _I'll make it up to her_, I think. And the last thought I have before I fall into slumber is of how I'm going to make Tori Vega mine.


	4. Skin On Skin

**Tori P.O.V.**

Lying in bed, drinking cheap liquor, thinking thoughts about your skin on my skin. Thinking thoughts about skin on skin. She's gorgeous and I want her, but it'll never go anywhere. For her sake, it can't. I drop the bottle and put both hands on top of my head to pull at my hair, hoping this'll make the thoughts of her go away. _I just met her, for fuck's sake_, I think as I slowly pull my hands out of my hair. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and sit up to look over at the clock on my nightstand. It's two in the morning and I know if I don't want to go to school hung-over, I have to stop now. _Well, one more sip won't hurt_; I shrug, taking a long chug from the bottle before finally tossing the empty thing to the ground.

I glance at my nightstand again and stare at the picture of Jamie and me. We're smiling and laughing and just look so young and happy. I miss her; I miss her more than anything in the world and if I could take back that night, I would. But what's done is done and if you can't change anything, why even wish for it? It won't make the slightest difference. I sigh and lie back down, knowing I really need sleep now.

…**.**

I wake a few hours later to the burning sun shining in my room through the window. I groan and stretch out my arms and legs, trying to lose the feeling of stiffness. I sit up and throw my legs off the side of the bed as I try and force myself to stand up. My eye catches the empty glass on the ground next to my feet and I shake my head. _Never again_, I think before laughing quietly to myself. _Yeah, how many times have I said that one before?_ I kick the bottle under my bed and tell myself I'll pick it up later, though I already know it'll soon be forgotten just like the other empty containers. At least it won't be lonely.

I dress quickly, choosing to wear a silver sequined top and black jeans before making my way downstairs to a waiting Trina. I glance over to the kitchen to see my parents standing around the small island with coffee in hands. I catch mom's eye and give a small smile. She hesitantly returns it and I follow Trina out the door. I barely register dad yell "have a nice day" but I know it wasn't meant for me, so I pay no attention.

"So," Trina starts as we drive to school, "the new girl from yesterday stayed over pretty late last night…" she trails off and I roll my eyes, already knowing what she's suggesting.

"She's just a friend," I mutter, not even convincing myself. I rest my head on the window and pray the questions will stop there.

"Well, I'm just saying, y'know, she's a pretty girl and she seemed nice and-"

"Drop it, Trina." I cut her off, not wanting this conversation to continue in the slightest.

"Look, I'm just trying to let you know that you need to start talking about things and I'm here to list-"

"_Why?_" I snap, cutting her off again. "Why the _hell_ does everyone want me to talk so damn bad? I have nothing to say, nothing to talk about; not with you, not with a therapist." I turn to look at my sister, but her eyes stay forward on the road. Her chest rises and falls slowly, as if taking a silent deep breath. But she says nothing else.

We arrive at school, the atmosphere tense and awkward and just as I'm opening the door, she mumbles "Find another ride home today, I'm busy after school." I roll my eyes and get out of the car, slamming her door shut. It's a bit early and as I reach my locker I notice there aren't too many people around yet. I lean my head back against the locker and close my eyes, feeling slightly bad about what I said to Trina. I didn't mean for it to come out, in fact I didn't _mean _to say anything at all.

As I'm feeling bad about snapping at my sister, I hear footsteps heading my way and open my eyes to see Beck walking towards me with a slight smile on his face. I smile back and wave at him.

"Hey, Beck," I say, pushing myself off the locker.

"Tori," he nods, "So, last night was fun. I still can't believe Cat, of all people, won." We both laugh and I shake my head.

"She cleaned _me_ out, that's for sure." We both laugh again and as we quiet down he gives me a strange look.

"What's wrong?" I ask. He shakes his head and shrugs.

"Nothing, nothing. So, uh, Jade's pretty cool, don't ya think?" My heart races just at the mention of her name.

"Y-Yeah," I stutter, "I mean, I like her, do you?" I look down for a second before meeting his eyes again.

"I do," he says slowly, "but not as much as you, I think. You couldn't look away from her all night." I feel my eyes widen at his comment and try to form a coherent sentence.

"What- I- no, you- I don't even know her. We just met yesterday and even if I did know her, no." I shift my weight to my left side and try to keep my eyes on Beck's. He smirks, obviously amused but suddenly his expression softens.

"Why don't you just let someone in, Tori?" he murmurs softly. Not too surprisingly, this makes me want to pull my hair out again, but I refrain from the urge and instead cross my arms over my chest and subtly claw at my arms.

"Look Beck, like you said, she seems cool, so why don't _you_ ask her out or something?" I can't keep my eyes on him as I say this and instead focus on the skin I'm breaking with my nails. I hear him snort and then see his figure walking away. My head shoots up and I'm left standing there confused.

"What the hell?" I whisper to myself, still watching as Beck leaves.

"What's got you looking all confused?" I nearly jump out of my skin at the voice and Jade laughs, leaning against the locker next to me. She's wearing a skirt with leggings underneath and a green long sleeved shirt and she looks beautiful.

"Jesus, you scared me," I say, sounding exaggeratedly out of breath. She laughs a little and rolls her eyes playfully.

"I thought you were kind of upset at me after last night," I speak again. Her smile softens a bit and she shakes her head.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I was making a big deal over nothing," she shrugs.

"Don't worry about it," I smile, trying to let her know it's truly alright.

"Hey, how about we hang out this Saturday?" she asks, hope evident in her voice. "There's this place in L.A. not too far from here I think you'll like."

"Sure, I'll ask the others if they can come." As I say this, I notice her shift uncomfortably while her smile falters.

"Oh, um, I was kind of hoping that maybe it could be just be me and you," she mumbles, still looking a bit uncomfortable. Her bright green eyes meet mine and I know I can't say no.

"That'd be great, just the two of us!" I answer more cheerfully than intended. She agrees it'll be fun and tells me she'll pick me up Saturday morning before the bell rings and we're forced to say goodbye.

'_You're making a huge mistake!' _a voice in my head suddenly shouts as I walk to class. But whether the warning is intended for me or for Jade, I'm not so sure.

…**.**

**A/N: thanks for the reviews guys and I'm sorry the chapters are kind of short but yeah thanks again :)**


	5. Running On Faith

**Jade P.O.V.**

The next few days are a bit of a blur, except for the parts that include Tori. Things feel a bit different though. Beck doesn't talk to Tori much and doesn't go over to her house after school with us. I figure something must have happened between them, but I don't get the chance to ask since me and Tori are hardly ever alone. But I had asked her to hang out with me and although it's technically not a date, it's still better than nothing.

Saturday rolls around quicker than expected and I'm a nervous wreck. I wake up around eight-thirty in the morning and get up to dress. I go to my closet and carefully choose the right clothes to wear, wanting to impress Tori in any way I can. I don't take long to apply my make-up and by the time I'm heading down the stairs it's almost nine o'clock. _Early, but not too early, right? _I wonder to myself as I reach the bottom steps. I walk through the hallway to the kitchen where I know my mother will have a fresh pot of coffee made. As I'm pouring myself a cup, she walks in with a newspaper and comes to stand in front of me, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Who are you all dressed up for?" she asks, taking in my attire. I roll my eyes and shake my head.

"_No one_, mother, I'm going to go hang out with someone from school, nothing special." I barely even convince myself as the words come out. She raises an eyebrow at me for a moment before throwing her hands up in defeat.

"Alright, whatever you say," she chuckles, going to pour herself another cup of coffee.

I roll my eyes again and make my way out the door. I hop in my car and quickly drive to the Vega house, blasting my music the whole way. When I get there, I notice Tori sitting on the porch outside, looking a bit frazzled. Her head is facing down and she looks as if she's in deep thought. My eyebrows knit together and I honk the horn as I pull into her driveway, making her jump and look up with eyes wide. She relaxes a bit when she sees it's me and stands up to walk over to my car.

"Hey," I greet her as she gets in and straps on her seatbelt. "Is everything okay?"

She contemplates this for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, everything's fine, I was just really excited for today." She smiles at me and I can't tell whether it's genuine or fake.

"Alright, if you say so," I say, backing out of her driveway. I know something is wrong, but I figure it best not to press the matter further.

While we drive we talk about everything and nothing all at once. A few times she asks where we're going and when I refuse to tell her she gives the most adorable pout that makes me want to reach over the console and kiss her full lips. I almost give in to her each time, but somehow manage to force myself not to. Finally she agrees to stop asking when I tell her we'll be there soon and we go back to talking. About twenty minutes later we arrive at a large park and Tori gives me a questioning look.

"The park? You do know there's a park like right around the corner by Hollywood Arts?" she asks, making me chuckle.

"Yeah, but not like this. Come on, Vega." I get out of the car and she quickly follows suit. I lead us up a hill that's covered with trees and grass and I smirk at Tori's nervous look.

"What's the matter?" I ask, laughing, as we walk up further. She shoots me a playful glare in return.

"Well, I'm not exactly the most coordinated person on the planet," she answers. I laugh some more and raise an eyebrow at her.

"I thought you were a dancer?"

"I am," she huffs, "but that's on flat solid ground." As if to prove her point for her, her foot catches and she begins to fall forward, but I grab her by the waist just before she hits the ground. I help her stand upright again and our bodies are practically pressed together. My breath hitches at our closeness and I realize I've been holding her longer than necessary.

"Oh, thanks," she mumbles, "Told you I'm clumsy." She laughs, obviously trying to break the awkwardness. I laugh too and we continue our walk, me desperately wanting to reach over and grab her hand the whole way.

After about fifteen more minutes of walking, the ground starts to even out little by little until we finally arrive a small cliff-like area that holds a great view of the city, a view you won't find anywhere else. I look over at Tori and she's walking towards the edge, obviously awe-struck. I resist the urge to hug her around the waist from behind and instead go to stand next to her.

"Wow," she says airily, "this is amazing, Jade. How did you find this place?" She looks at me, her eyes sparkling and I smile softly.

"When I was a kid, I just sort of stumbled upon it when I was playing." I shrug and carefully sit down, dangling only my feet over the edge. Tori does the same, but she sits a lot closer to the edge, dangling practically her entire legs.

"Easy there, Vega," I warn, putting a hand on her shoulder, "Are you _trying_ to fall off the edge?" She shakes her head no and scoots up closer to me.

"Oh, and I almost forgot, did something happen with you and Beck?" I ask suddenly, obviously catching her off guard. Her eyes widen in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't know, it just seems like he's been pissed off the past few days and he hasn't really hung out with us after school," I explain. Tori thinks for a minute before slowly saying, "Nothing happened, he's just been moody, I guess." She looks at me, most likely trying to see whether I'll buy into it or not.

"More secrets, Vega?" I sigh, leaning back with my arms outstretched behind me and my hands on the ground.

"Why do you care?" she asks, catching _me_ off guard for once. "We barely know each other, we just met last week." I know she's right, but at the moment it doesn't make a difference to me.

"I guess you could call it…love at first sight?" I say jokingly, though in my mind every word holds to its true meaning. She laughs loudly and looks forward at the city again, but says nothing.

The comfortable silence we're sitting in is broken when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I swiftly take it out and check the caller I.D. _Incoming call from: Dad, _it reads. I glance at Tori for a second then look back at my phone. I know this will probably be the first and last time he ever calls. I look at Tori once again and she's staring down off at the bottom of the cliff, not at the skyline view. _She probably needs me more than I'll ever need him, _I think as I bite my lip and hit the red ignore button on my phone.

"Who was that?" Tori asks, noticing me putting my phone back in my pocket.

"No one," I smile at her and hope to God I made the right choice. I now realize I'm going to be running on pure faith with this girl.


	6. Lost

**Tori P.O.V.**

Being with Jade has made me feel the nicest I've ever felt. The view is incredible and when Jade makes the comment about it being 'love at first sight' I laugh to cover up the flicker of hope that I'm sure would have been evident in my expression. We stay there for a few more hours, talking and then falling into comfortable silence over and over again.

"Are you hungry?" she asks suddenly and as if on cue, my stomach rumbles loudly. I blush and laugh before nodding.

"Apparently so," I answer. She slowly stands up and then offers a hand to help me off the edge. I gladly take it and she pulls me up with ease. I smile and give quiet thanks as we head back to her car. The walk back is a lot quicker since it's downhill but I still manage to stumble. Jade laughs and helps keep me from rolling down the hill by letting me hold onto her arm. My skin burns whenever I touch her and when I finally let go, I crave the burning again right away.

We reach the car and Jade drives us to a small Mexican restaurant. The music is blasting inside and it's obvious that everyone here is having a good time. I smile at the atmosphere and am too busy looking around to notice that Jade is has already gotten us a table. She comes back over to me and lightly grabs my hand to pull me along to our table. My eyes widen and a small blush creeps onto my face as I realize we're holding hands. I decide to be a little bold for once and lace my fingers through hers, giving a small squeeze. She looks back at me and smiles widely but continues walking. We sit in a booth near the back where the music isn't as loud. Our hands are still together and the burning that I love so much is back.

"This is a really cool place," I say after the waiter has taken our orders. I look around some more. Seems as if everyone is drinking and laughing and just enjoying life and for a moment, I'm happy again.

"Yeah, it is," she looks around before glancing back at me. "So, you never did tell me _your_ story…" she trails off. _And the moment is over_, I think. My smile falls and I try to pull my hand away from hers, but she doesn't let me.

"No," she murmurs softly in my ear, "don't run away from me, Tori." She grips my hand tighter and I keep my eyes down. Her hot breathe is tickling my ear, but I refuse to move an inch; not towards her, not away from her. I stay right in place.

"What happened to you?" she murmurs again and I feel my heart speed up. I turn my head to look her in the eyes, but I can't find my voice. We stare at each other a few seconds longer before I feel her lips on mine. They're soft and smooth and she tastes like coffee and I _have_ to kiss her back. Her free hand finds my waist to pull me closer while mine tangles in her hair to deepen the kiss. She breaks the kiss, needing to breathe, and uses her lips to kiss a trail down my jaw to my neck, making me moan quietly. As she's reaching my collarbone, we hear a throat clear in front of us and both look up to see the waiter with a tray in hand. He playfully wiggles his eyebrows at us before laughing and setting our food down. Jade smiles when he gestures for us to carry on and then scurries back to the kitchen while singing along to the Spanish music that's playing.

She looks at me again and goes in for another kiss but I abruptly pull back, realizing what I'm doing. She looks at me confused and I feel the tears well up in my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, "I want you, I really do, but…I can't, I just..." I get up and run out the door and then continue running. I wonder if Jade has processed what just happened, because I sure as hell haven't. I run behind the buildings, off the main streets so she doesn't find me. I'm not at all sure where I'm going but somehow I end up on a block full of run down old apartments I've never seen before and I know I'm lost in more ways than one.

I look around for a moment, contemplating what to do when I finally give up. I drop down to the pavement and lie down on warm black tar, not caring that I'm on the street. I put my arm over my eyes, unsure of what I'm even doing anymore.

"Hey, you still alive?" I hear a deep voice ask and I don't need to look at him to know he's talking to me.

"No," I say, my arm still blocking my eyes from the scorching sun.

"Ah," he muses, "So you're dead. What was it, heatstroke?"

"Mm-mm," I shake my head, "Road kill."

"Well, not yet," he chuckles, his voice closer in proximity and I think he's sitting on the curb now, but I still don't open my eyes to check.

"Give it a few hours," I sigh. We're both silent for a moment and just when I think he's left, he speaks again.

"You're not from this neighborhood, are you?" he asks and I simply shake my head in response.

"Yeah, I figured. Is everything okay? How'd you end up lying out on the street, waiting for someone to run you over?"

I finally give in and lift my arm away from my eyes and sit up, squinting at the light. The man is sitting on the sidewalk and looks to be in his early thirties. He has black hair and hazel eyes and there's paint splattered in different spots on his white shirt and blue jeans.

"I happened," I shrug, standing up and stretching my arms over my head. He stands up with me and gives a small smile.

"Is someone coming to get you?" he asks, looking around.

"No," I smile, though I'm not sure why. "What's with the paint costume?" I ask, trying to get the conversation topic off of me. He looks down and laughs a little.

"Oh, I was in the middle of fixing up my apartment when I noticed a dead girl in the middle of the road. Figured I better drag the body off to the side so cars could pass." We both laugh and I sigh deeply.

"Well, mission accomplished, but, uh, I think I better get home." I start walking away but then stop when I remember I have no clue where I'm going.

"Fuck," I mutter under my breath, pulling out my phone. I have about twenty missed calls, all from Jade. I bite my lip. She must be really worried and I figure the least I can do is let her know I'm alright. I text her, letting her know I'm okay and that my sister will pick me up. The last part isn't a _complete _lie, per say. I do think about calling Trina, but I know she won't come, even if I beg.

"You don't have a way home, do you?" I hear the man say. I turn back to face him and give a cheeky smile.

"I can take if you want," he offers. I take a moment to think about the pros and cons of getting in the car with a stranger. Con: I might not make it home alive. Pro: I might not ever go home.

"Sure, that'd be great."


	7. Stranger

**Tori P.O.V.**

"Oh, by the way, I'm Kyle," he says as we get into his car.

"Tori," I smile. He doesn't offer his hand for me to shake and instead goes straight to turn on the ignition. I give him my address and he types it in the GPS system he has installed in his car. The drive begins and I've never felt more awkward before. _This must be what it's gonna feel like when I see Jade again, _I think with a sigh.

"So, how exactly did you come to end up in a stranger's car?" Kyle asks.

"I-I don't know," I mutter.

"Was it a boy?" he asks, glancing over at me with a small smile.

"You sound like a concerned father or something," I laugh. He chuckles along with me and shrugs his shoulders.

"Doesn't surprise me, seeing as I _am_ a father," he raises an eyebrow at me and then looks back at the street.

"Really?" I ask, genuinely surprised. "So do you live with your kids in that apartment?"

"Uh, I only have one kid actually," he admits, "and no, she lives with her mother not too far from here. Her mom and I separated about a year ago but I still make sure to see her all the time. Don't wanna miss anything, y'know?"

"Oh," is all I can think of to say. "How old is she?" I ask, turning in my seat to face him.

"She just turned four a couple weeks ago," he smiles and I can tell he's thinking of her. I try to think of something else to say, but come up short. The fact that he's told me _any_ of this surprises me. The fact that people in general can go around sharing details about their lives with other people they've just met surprises me. If I knew how to do that I might still be with Jade right now. I close my eyes and force the thought of her out of my head once again.

"Not to sound like an overbearing father again, but _is _it boy problems?" I open my eyes and see he looks genuinely concerned, rather than genuinely interested in gossip.

"Not exactly," I sigh. "More like…um…girl…problems." I force myself to say. Kyle looks confused for a moment before understanding dawns on him.

"Ah, so, did she, I don't know, dump you or something?" he asks cautiously. I shake my head.

"More like the opposite. She wants to be with me." I look down and play with the ends of my hair, unsure of what else to do. I already feel I've said way too much.

"And you don't want that?" he asks slowly, obviously trying to grasp some sort of understanding on the matter.

"No, I do," I whisper, "That's the problem." I look back up again to see the sun is setting and we're almost at the freeway exit.

"You're scared." He states. It's not a question this time. I quickly shake my head but say nothing, afraid my voice will shake as well.

"It's okay to be scared, you know. Just try not let it keep you from missing out on anything. You might regret it later." _You don't need to talk to me about regrets_, I think, my mind flashing back to three years ago for a moment before returning to the present.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I ask suddenly, the curiosity killing me.

He gives a smile and small shrug. "I would want someone to do the same for my daughter. What goes around comes around, right?"

I feel the car slow to a stop and look up to realize we're already pulling up to the front of my house. I look at him and lean over the console to kiss his cheek softly. "I think you're going to be an excellent father for your little girl." I say quietly. His smile widens and I silently get out, knowing a verbal 'thanks' isn't necessary. He understands how grateful I am.

I walk up to the porch and turn to give a small wave to Kyle, the kind stranger, as he drives away. I take my keys out of my pocket and open the door slowly, listening to see if anyone's home. It doesn't sound like it, but as I push the door forward I see my own dad seated on the couch. He's laughing at something on the television but his laughter abruptly dies down when he sees me.

"Oh," he says awkwardly, "Hey, Tori, where've you been all day?" he asks as I reach the stairs. My hand grips the railing tightly for a moment before I continue up the steps without answering him. Why he even _pretends_ to care, I'm not sure. I continue up to my room and slam the door shut behind me. A bit overdramatic, yes, but he deserves it. They both do. Parents are supposed to accept their kids no matter what, not make them feel like a stranger in their own home.

I take a deep breath to calm myself and sit on the bed. I feel my phone buzz to see I have a new message from Jade. Well, _another_ new text message from her. And just like the other ten she's sent me, it reads: _We really need to talk. _I sigh, knowing she's right. I think back to what Kyle just said. _Just try not let it keep you from missing out on anything_. I throw myself back on the bed so I'm lying down and staring at the ceiling. She's all I think about until my breathing begins to even out and I fall asleep, still fully clothed, my mind racing at a million miles per second.

**Jade P.O.V.**

_Idiot, idiot, IDIOT,_ I think to myself as I throw myself into bed and curl up completely under the covers. I kissed Tori and she left, just like I'd anticipated. The kiss was amazing and I know she felt it too. I keep going over the day's events, from start to abrupt finish, trying to figure out where things went so wrong that she thought she had no other option but to leave. After a while of pondering I finally fall into a deep sleep, the break from reality a nice feeling.

…**.**

A few weeks pass from that day and everything changes. I never have the chance to talk to Tori because she refuses to be alone with me. Every time I try she changes the subject or brings someone else into the conversation and I'm sick of it. She's been the only thing on my mind and I know enough is enough already.

…**.**

I wake up early, even though it's Saturday. I throw the covers off and go into my bathroom to get ready. I'm seeing Tori today, though she doesn't know it yet. But we need to talk and she refuses to text or call me back so desperate times call for desperate measures. I quickly ready myself, both mentally and physically, trying to prepare _something_ to say to Vega. I go downstairs to the kitchen where I pour coffee into a travel mug to take with me and I'm on my way.

As I'm parking in her driveway I still have no clue what I'm about to say or do. _Fuck it, just wing it_, I think as I step out of the car and approach the front door. I pound on the door, not caring which person I wake as long as one of them is Tori. A minute later I'm ready to start pounding again when the door finally opens.

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you?" I demand, expecting Tori to be standing there but instead see a confused Trina. "Oh," I say, "Sorry, I thought it was Tori answering the door." Understanding flashes in her eyes as she opens the door wider and steps aside to let me in.

"Look, I don't know what happened between you two," she starts, crossing her arms, "Actually, I don't know _anything_ about what's going on in my sister's life anymore. But I do know she's gonna need _someone, _so I'm going to help you here. Ask her who Jamie is."

I blink twice. "What?" She rolls her eyes at my cluelessness.

"Just ask her who Jamie is. You can tell her I told you to ask. It should explain a lot."

I nod at her, though I still don't understand. "Which room is hers?"

"Upstairs, first door on the left. Good luck."


	8. Terrified Of Me

**Jade P.O.V.**

I burst through Tori's bedroom door and see her lying awake on her bed. Her eyes go wide as she sees me and she sits up quickly in her bed. Her hair is messy and she's in a tank top and leggings, but she still manages to look breathtaking.

"J-Jade," she stutters, obviously caught off guard, "What are you doing here?" I say nothing and sit down on the bed next to her. She looks anywhere but at me. My eyes flicker to her mouth and all I want to do is kiss her again but I know there are more important things to do here.

"I need to ask you something," I say nervously. She still doesn't look at me or say anything so I decide to get straight to the point rather than beat around the bush. I sigh before finally asking, "Who's Jamie?" Her eyes shoot up to meet mine and their wider than I've ever seen them.

"What- who- how do you…" she sputters, unable to form a coherent sentence.

"Trina told me to ask you," I admit. Her face scrunches up in anger and she looks so freaking adorable. _Focus Jade,_ I think to myself.

"She…she told you _what _exactly?" she asks, her face a mixture of anger and confusion. I rub the back of my neck nervously.

"Nothing really, she just told me to ask you who Jamie is and now here we are." I say a bit jokingly, trying to lighten her anger. It doesn't work.

"She was my friend." Tori looks down, still fuming and I know there's more to it. I scoot closer to her and put a hand under her chin to lift her face up. She hesitantly complies and I can see all the fear behind her eyes.

"Just let me in, Tori," I whisper. Her lip begins to quiver slightly and I hear her breathing pick up pace. I wrap my arms around her and hug her tightly to my chest, hoping this comforts her. She buries her face in the crook of my neck and I slowly rub her back, trying to silently let her know to take her time. A couple minutes pass before she finally pulls away and sighs deeply.

"She was my friend," Tori repeats, "My best friend who I grew up with. She died when we were fifteen. And it was my fault." I can hear the struggle in her voice, the struggle it takes for her to get the words out.

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused. She takes a deep, shaky breath and looks down, her hair forming a curtain around her face.

"We were bored and I was stupid," she says slowly, "So I suggested we sneak out to this party some seniors were having and that's what we did. We went, lied about our ages, and she ended up meeting an older guy there. He offered to drive us home and she agreed, even though I didn't want to. In the car he kept trying to convince her to go back to his place with him. She would have agreed, had I not kept interrupting every time she was about to answer." Tori chuckles without humor and I can tell how difficult it is for her to be saying this. She's silent for a moment, staring off into space before continuing.

"I kept hinting that we were underage and she got pissed at me for it and we ended up arguing. The guy took his eyes off the road to tell us to quit fighting and he ran a red light. A car hit us from the side; Jamie was killed on impact." She whispers the last part and I can't imagine how she must be feeling.

"I'm so sorry. Who else have you told this to?" I ask quietly.

She shakes her head. "No one else; I mean, obviously my parents and their families knew, but I've never actually _talked_ about it."

"Hey," I put a hand on her cheek to pull her face back up again, "You have to know it _wasn't_ your fault. It was a terrible accident and you _need_ to put it behind you already." I say firmly.

"No, it's behind me, Jade. Really, it is," she obviously lies. I raise an eyebrow at her.

"How can it be behind you when you've never even talked about it? I know you're trying to run from your past, but running in place never saves anyone. It only gets you stuck."

Tori looks up me, hair falling in her face, her brown eyes glossy from unshed tears. I reach up to brush a strand of hair from her eyes and then lean my forehead on hers. I desperately want to brush my lips against hers, but don't want to push her limits.

"It wasn't you," I whisper, "And you need to realize that."

"But it _is_, Jade," she says with conviction, "I'm the reason we were at that party, the reason he took his eyes off the street, the reason she's _dead_."

"No," I shake my head, "It was a terrible accident that shouldn't have happened, but if anything it was _him_ who should have been paying attention to the road. And you were trying to look out for your friend, you only had good intentions."

She sniffles a little and nods. I shift so I'm lying on the bed and pull her down with me, wrapping an arm around her waist tightly. I feel her stiffen against me and I look at her confused and a tiny bit hurt.

"What's wrong?" I murmur softly.

She sits back up and brings her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. "I don't know, it's just I've never told anyone that before." I sit up next to her and raise an eyebrow at her again.

"And how do you feel now?" I ask.

"Not so alone anymore," she whispers so quietly that I'm not sure I'm meant to hear it. I grab her arm and pry it off her leg to hold her hand in mine. There's no way to be sure when or if Tori will ever be this open with me again so I know I need to take advantage of it now.

"Tori, I know this probably isn't the best time, but can we talk about the kiss?" Her eyes close and she takes a deep breath.

"I do want this, Jade" she says slowly, "but I'm scared of it." She admits.

I give her hand a gentle squeeze. "What are you scared of exactly?"

"You and me," she states simply.

"You're scared of _me_?" I try and clarify, but it just doesn't make sense to me. _She _doesn't make sense to me, but I suppose that's what draws me to her the most.

"_Yes_, I'm scared of you!" she suddenly yanks her hand away and bolts off the bed to stand in front of me. "It's like you've dug your nails into my sides so hard that you could easily crack my ribs. And that feeling of uncertainty, of not knowing whether you will or won't break me, is driving me fucking insane between the thighs! It's not right, I know." She sits back down on the edge of the bed and buries her face in her hands. "_I'm_ not right, I know."

I feel the shock in my expression and try and contain myself before Tori sees. It's true, she's not right. But that doesn't change a god damn thing about the way I feel about her.

"Listen to me, Tori," I start as I move to sit next to her, "We could be perfect together if you'd just let us. If you –"

"But that's just it," she says, cutting me off. She looks up at me, the hurt back in her eyes. "I'm scared of you, but I'm _terrified_ of me. What if I stopped caring about you? What if I broke my promises because I'm simply bad at keeping them? What if I gave other girls the same nickname I gave you? What if I fuck everything up because I'm just a fuck up?"

"What if I told you I love you?"


	9. Chaos

**Tori P.O.V.**

I look at Jade in shock and I don't know what to say. My breathing quickens and it feels as if I'm about to have a panic attack. I stand up, keeping my back to her and take a few deep breaths, contemplating what to do. I know I love her too, but I don't know if I can do this. I hear the bed squeak, and then feel her arms snake around my waist from behind and her chin rest on my shoulder.

"I love you too," I whisper finally, "But what if I hurt you? What if you hurt me?" She gently kisses my shoulder and I bask in the feeling of her lips on my skin. Her hands grab my hips and she turns me around to face her. She looks me in the eyes and shakes her head.

"It won't happen. You have to trust me though and trust that I can take care of you," she puts her hand on my cheek and leans in close but keeps our lips an inch apart. "I'll organize your chaos and show you someone beautiful," she whispers and finally crashes her lips to mine hungrily. I wrap my arms around her neck and run my tongue over her mouth, desperate for entrance. She quickly opens her mouth and our tongues fight for dominance. She wins the battle before we each pull away, gasping for breath. She smiles at me and I give a small one in return.

"So, where does that leave us?" she asks and my smile falls slowly.

"I think, I mean we should…" I trail off, not even knowing what I was about to say. I try to leave her arms but she holds me even tighter, refusing to let me move an inch.

"No," she frowns and shakes her head, "No, no, don't you _dare_ try and shut me out again. I won't let you, not this time."

We're both silent for what feels like an eternity and I know she's waiting for me to speak. "I want us to be together, Jade," It's not easy to admit, but it needs to be said. She smiles widely and leans in to kiss me again. This time the kiss is sweet and full of the only emotion I can think to describe it with is love. It slowly comes to a natural end and we pull apart, resting our foreheads together.

"Well, Tori Vega, will you please be my girlfriend?" Hope is evident in her voice and look down, swallowing the lump in my throat before I nod. She kisses my cheek, right underneath my eye and I smile.

"Come on," I say abruptly, "Let's go somewhere, get out of here. I want to leave this bed, this house. Leave everything behind, so I don't have to deal with anything ever again." I untangle myself from her arms and start to go into my bathroom to change when Jade grabs my hand and tugs me back to her.

"Whoa, there, you're not talking about running away, are you? Cuz that's kind of what it's sounding like," she laughs nervously and I can hear the concern in her voice. I look down and shake my head, realizing I'd told her more than I meant to.

"Um, no, of course not, sorry," I sputter, "I'm just going to change real quickly and then we could go eat or something."

She nods and lets me go but I can still see the worry in her eyes. I go into my bathroom and shut the door, mentally scolding myself for saying too much. I put on fresh clothes and brush my teeth and my hair before walking back out to a waiting Jade. She smiles at me, looking over my body. I walk over to her and grab her hand, leading the way downstairs. We're just about to go out the front door when I hear the last voice I want to hear right now.

"Tori?" my mom says. Jade and I turn around to see her walking up to us with a confused look on her face. Jade tries to pull her hand away from mine, but I grip it tighter and pull her noticeably closer. I let go of her hand and instead wrap my arm around her waist and hug her to my side.

"What's going on here, Tori? Who's this?" Mom asks awkwardly, obviously uncomfortable.

"This is Jade," I say slowly, "She's…she's my g-girlfriend." It's a bit hard for me to say, considering I never thought in a million years I would be holding someone like this.

Mom's face turns to a mix of disgust and fake happiness. "Oh," she breathes, "When were you going to tell me about this?"

"When were you going to start actually caring?" I snap.

"I _do _care, sweetie, I was only asking," She says, throwing her hands up almost like a soldier does when he's surrendering and trying to show he's unarmed. But I know better; she's no soldier and she's nowhere _close_ to surrendering. If anything, I know things will only get worse around here now.

I feel Jade's hand come up to touch my face just as I'm about to snap again and the feel of her skin on mine somewhat pacifies me. "Hey, come on," Jade whispers, "Let's go, Tori." I look at her and then back at my mother whose expression is now unreadable. I swallow and nod before letting Jade drag me out of the house. We walk out quickly and get into Jade's car and just sit there for a few minutes.

"What was that about?" she finally asks.

"My parents are homophobic bastards." I state with a shrug.

"Tori…" she sighs. I shake my head.

"It's fine, really," I say, "I don't want to talk about it now. Please." I realize I'm pushing her away again, but I can't help it. It's become like second nature for me to shut out the people around me. Though I am slowly learning to trust _Jade_, but that doesn't make it any less difficult to open up.

"Fine, but we _are_ talking about this later." She demands and I hesitantly agree. _God, what are we getting ourselves into?_ I wonder to myself.

…**.**

**Jade P.O.V.**

Tori and I spend the majority of the weekend together. We still don't talk much about her parents so instead I tell her more about mine, hoping this makes her feel a bit more comfortable with telling me later. I tell her how abandoned I felt and how much I hate him now. 'Make me feel better.' I don't have to say it, but she does it. She takes me in her arms and whispers calming words over and over and just the feel of her hot breath on my skin is comfort enough. She then cracks a few cheesy jokes that put a smile on my face and make me laugh, despite the ridiculousness of the punch line. I've never felt so safe before.

After a few hours I'm forced to leave when Tori's mother knocks on the door, claiming it's too late to have friends over. I just barely stop Tori from storming out there to yell at her, not wanting to cause any more trouble.

She walks me out to my car and I press her against the door, crushing my lips to hers forcefully. Her hands slowly make their way down my back to squeeze my ass, eliciting a loud moan to rip from my throat. She pulls away and looks down shyly.

"Jade…I don't know how much of myself I'll actually be able to give you. Emotionally wise, I mean. And-"

"Hey," I lift her chin, "I'll take whatever I can get. And I'm not abandoning you like my father did with me."

I hug her to my chest tightly and kiss her hair before whispering, "I love you; we'll be okay, I promise."


	10. Just Fall Asleep

**A/N: okay so this is the last chapter and then an epilogue tomorrow and then this story is done, sorry it's so short guys :( but I did try to make this chapter a bit longer than the others at least.**

**Jade P.O.V.**

I walk into school Monday morning, seeking out my Tori. I don't see her around and I feel confused for bit. I go to my locker, still looking around the halls. I see the doors open and Trina walks in, saying hello to people as she passes, only a few of them returning the greeting. I expect Tori to be coming in somewhere behind her, but no such person walks in. I slam my locker shut and quickly walk over to find Trina at hers. She looks up at she sees me and smiles slightly.

"Hey, where's the other Vega?" I ask. She looks at me nervously before speaking.

"Oh, she stayed home today. Some stuff went down after you left last night." She says, lowering her voice as she finishes the sentence. I look at her confusedly.

"Wait, what the hell happened?" I demand. She looks around at the hallway that's getting more and more crowded.

"Can we talk somewhere more private?" she whispers. I nod and gesture for her to follow me. We make our way to the empty janitor's closet and lock the door behind us. "Explain," I demand once again.

She sighs and puts her bag down on the floor. "Tori can be…kind of impulsive sometimes and well, last night after you left she snapped at our mom for being so rude to you. And my mom snapped back at her, saying all this bullshit about Tori being a disgrace, that she's the reason our parents are ready to separate, stuff like that."

I look at her in disbelief. "Your mom seriously said all that to her?"

"She told you about Jamie, right?" she asks and I nod quickly. "Well, I think they sort of blamed her for the accident, but without saying it. Like the looks they gave her…" Trina trails off, shaking her head. "And then after she came out as a lesbian they just started treating her like…I don't know, like she wasn't enough to love or something."

"Yeah, Tori mentioned them being homophobic," I nod slowly.

"Well, my mother more than my father, but dad is too chicken to say anything. And lately they've been fighting a lot, about everything it seems. Seems like they need therapy, not Tori." She shrugs and I look at her in confusion again.

"They send her to therapy? For what?" I ask. This time its Trina's turn to look at me confused.

"She didn't tell you? Oh, what I am saying, it's _Tori_, of course she didn't tell you," she mutters with an eye roll, "She tried to kill herself a few months after all that. I guess the accident and coming out proved too much for her. Though she keeps claiming she wasn't trying to kill herself." She sighs, looking down and I don't know what to say. Just then the bell rings and Trina attempts to walk out the door, but I grab her wrist and pull her back in.

"Where the hell is Tori now?" I ask in a panic.

"I don't know," she shrugs, "When I knocked on her door this morning she said she wasn't feeling well and wanted to stay home."

"So you just _left_ her there _alone_?" I fume incredulously, my hands balling into fists.

"Well what was I supposed to do, Jade?" she snaps, beginning to look just as angry as I felt.

"_Be there_ for her!" I half yell, "You're all she has, Trina, _we_ are all she has!"

"No, _you _are all she has now," she says calmly, though she still looks angry, "Look, she's my sister and I love her, but I can't keep doing this. She shuts everyone out and there's no way to help someone who doesn't wanna be helped. So she's all yours now."

I step towards her and lean in close to her face. "That is the saddest excuse I've ever heard. And if she turns up dead I hope you always remember that you didn't do a _god _damn thing to even _try_ and save her," I whisper in disgust before pushing past her, my shoulder hitting hers hard.

I practically run out the school to my car, the adrenaline pumping throughout my body. I drive to her house quickly and recklessly, the only thought on my mind being what I mind find when I arrive at Vega's house. I run through a thousand possible outcomes, but only try and focus on one; the one where Tori is alive and _actually_ feeling under the weather. I finally arrive at her house after what feels like forever and slam on the breaks. I get out of my car and run up to the door, pounding hard on it for a few minutes.

I put my ear to the door and can faintly make out a crashing sound inside. I'm just about to pound again when it finally opens, but there's no one standing there.

"Boo!" Tori yells, jumping out from behind the door, "Ha! Did I scare ya?" her words are slurred and she begins laughing uncontrollably. She strongly reeks of smoke and something else, alcohol most likely. She's in shorts and a black t-shirt and I barely recognize her.

"What the hell is going on?" I step into the house and slam the front door shut behind me. She stumbles over to the couch and sits down, swiping a bottle of rum off the coffee table.

"Oh, Jadey, baby, I missed you so much, come sit down," she says, patting the spot next to her and taking a swig from the bottle.

"You're _drunk?_" I practically yell, sitting in the spot she just patted and grabbing the bottle to force it out of her hands. I stand up and head to the kitchen to pour the rest of the liquid into the sink.

"Heeey," she pouts, "No fair, waste your own liquor you liquor waster!" I sit back down next to her and go to put my arms around her but she fights me off and allows no such thing.

"No, wait," she slurs, "Wait, I just- I just need…" she trails off and searches under the pillows on the couch until she flushes out a small red and white box. "Aha!" she says triumphantly as she pulls out a cigarette and puts it to her mouth, reaching for the lighter on the table.

"No! Tori, _no_, you can't keep doing this!" I say in frustration as I snatch the cigarettes away from her. She rolls her eyes and shits to lay down with her head in my lap. I feel the tears behind my eyes as I stare at her and stroke her hair softly. Her eyes close slowly and I take this chance to finally look around. Things look the same, but nothing looks broken. I was sure I'd heard a crash while waiting outside? I let it go and look back at the girl in my lap. Her chest is rising and falling slowly and I can see the beads of sweat trickling down her face. She's a self-inflicted mess.

_She must have started drinking before everyone else was even awake if she's already passing out_, I think. I know she just needs to sleep it off now so I gently gather her in my arms and slowly carry her up the stairs. She unconsciously snuggles her face into my neck and I tighten my hold on her. Her room door is already open and I walk in to see it's been completely trashed. There's broken glass and a mirror frame on the floor, her drawers thrown down and other random items broken and shattered all over the room. I sigh and carefully try to avoid stepping on anything as I walk to her bed. I lay her down and then lie next to her, cradling her in my arms.

…**.**

Tori finally wakes a few hours later, her eyes opening slowly. She groans and throws one hand over her eyes to shield them from the light that's coming in through the window.

"How are you feeling?" I ask quietly. Her hand flies away from her eyes and she looks at me in surprise and in pain from the hang-over, I'm guessing.

"W-what are you d-doing here?" she stutters. I sit up and look at her in anger.

"No, the question is: what the fuck are _you_ doing here?" I say harshly and she flinches. I take a deep breathe, realizing that really isn't the best approach. "Just what were you thinking, Tori?" I ask softly this time, lying back down next to her.

"I wasn't thinking," she whispers, looking around the room. I sigh and scoot closer to her. She puts her arm around me hesitantly and looks at me, her eyes watery.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers, "Are you mad at me?" I shake my head.

"No, I was scared out of my mind. Trina told me about your, um, when you tried to kill yourself a while back and I thought you might try it again." I admit, leaning in to kiss her nose. I need to feel her right now, to make sure she's alive and I'm not dreaming.

She groans loudly and turns over to lie on her back. "They called it a suicide attempt, but I just wanted to fall asleep," she says quietly. I move to lie on top of her and rest my head on her chest, her heartbeat my own personal lullaby.

"What did you do?" I ask, not sure I really want the answer. She's silent for a long while before saying, "I overdosed on sleeping pills. I-I didn't even realize what I was doing until it was too late. I wanted to sleep and they were taking too long to kick in so I kept taking them." I swallow hard and reach up to kiss her lips softly.

"It stops here," I say firmly, "I won't lose you to this, to _anything._ Do you understand me?"

She looks away and nods. "Why though?" she asks, "Why are you trying so hard for me?"

"Because when you love somebody you don't give up. Yeah, you might get in a fight. You might not talk for a bit. And you might say hurtful shit to each other. But you need them. And I'm not walking away from my girl no matter how fucked up things get." She looks back at me and leans in to capture my lips. She then pulls away and places small kisses all over my face, wrapping her arms around me.

"I'm sorry for everything," she says, her voice trembling, "I'm sorry that you have to deal with this, with me."

"It's not that I have to, it's that I want to. I want you and everything that comes along with you, the good and the bad." I kiss her again passionately to show her I mean every word.

"I love you, Jade," she says with conviction, "I won't lie, I'm still scared as hell, but…I want this, us, you." I smile and close my eyes, resting my head back down on her chest.

"I promised you we'd be okay and I intend to keep that promise, love."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," she whispers, stroking my hair.

"I'll show you," I say, "I'll prove to you."


	11. Epilogue

**Jade P.O.V.**

I was once asked if I thought love was blind and I didn't even have to think twice before I said no. I fell in love with a girl who was broken and shattered. She was so insecure and scared and secretive, not even I could ever fully break into her heart. Love does not blind you. I saw all of the darkness in her, not only the light. But she was perfect. She was so handsome; it'd make anybody's heart skip a few beats. She was so imperfect that it made her the most perfect thing I'd ever seen. The most perfect thing I'd ever loved.

And now six years later I find myself lying underneath you in our bed. You make every inch of my body visible with your hands. I think we both needed that, to be visible to someone. I won't lie, it hasn't been easy. _You_ haven't been easy. But you're worth all of it. And I know I haven't been the most pleasant to be around either, but you held on to me through it all. We rescued each other and somehow we've picked up each other's pieces and managed to fit them together. Though our family situations never changed, we're both content with that because we have each other. We have careers and we have a home where they'll never be able to hurt us again.

But I know _you_ will never be completely okay again and to be honest, I don't want you to be because I'm selfish. Because the day that happens will be the day you realize you don't need _me_ anymore and that scares the hell out of me. But deep down there's a lot I'm still scared of, though I don't admit any of it. I am afraid of the clocks that run in you; afraid they will stop, or run themselves haggard. I'm afraid you'll run away like you used to do so long ago. Afraid I'll wake up and your side of the bed will be empty with no note, your drawers cleaned out and your suitcases gone. But for now the chains of the past are forgotten and to forget is to live and freedom has never tasted so sweet.

So here I am, lying next to you, ready to take the next step towards preserving everything we have. I trace your lips with the tips of my fingers and you smile beneath them. I smile back softly and lean forward to claim your lips with mine. You kiss me back tenderly and I can feel all your love being poured into me. I grip your back to pull you tighter to me. Your hands tangle in my hair and give a slight tug. I moan into you and the moment is beautiful and I know now is the right time. I pull away abruptly, making you whimper in protest, and get up to go to the dresser. You sit up and look at me confused.

"What are you doing?" you ask, tilting your head in the same childlike way you did the first day we met. I smile at you mischievously as I pull out a tiny black velvet bag from one of the drawers and go back to sit on the bed next to you. I wrap my arm around your waist and pull you so you're seated comfortably on my lap. You wrap your arms around my neck, a smile of confusion on your pretty face.

"Tori Vega," I begin nervously, "I love you. More than anything in this world and I know nothing about this relationship has ever been easy, but there is no one else I'd want to ask this question to…" I trail off, undoing the ties on the bag and reaching in to pull out a round brilliant diamond ring with pear-shaped side stones. I hear you gasp and look up to see you covering your mouth with your hand, the tears evident in your eyes. I'm not too sure how to take this, seeing as how you are always full of surprises.

"Will you marry me, love?" I whisper softly, the nerves now in full force as I await your answer. Knowing you, it could go either way. But for once, you don't hesitate and you don't leave me waiting before you answer. Your response is immediate and that makes this feel so much more right.

"Yes, Jade," you laugh and have the biggest smile I've ever seen on a person's face. "Yes, a million times yes! I love you so much!" The words flow easily from your mouth and I flashback to a time when you said them with such difficulty. But the flashback only lasts a moment, as it's meant to.

You practically pounce on me and smother my entire face in wet kisses. I laugh and hug you tightly to me before seeking out your lips again. It's a deep kiss full of tongue and emotion and it's only broken when we're forced apart by the need for oxygen. I take the opportunity to grab your hand and place the ring on your finger where it'll now be a permanent fix. I look back up at you and the tears are back. You wipe at them quickly, and I feel my own eyes begin to water at the sight.

"I'm going to be Tori West," you say happily. I smile and grab your waist once again to pull you forward and wrap your legs around me firmly, our centers pressing together wonderfully. I remember the first time we made love. You searched out my scars, needing to be sure I was human too, needing proof that we were the same. But enough of the past. We both moan at the sensation of our centers rubbing together and I kiss my way up the front of your throat until I reach your lips to claim them possessively. Your hands begin to roam and I grab your ass to press you even harder into me. You're mine like I'm yours and we'll never be perfect, not now, not ever, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

….

**A/N: thank you to everyone who reviewed and I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :) I might have gone a little overboard with the epilogue but oh well. I'm sorry to end it so abruptly but I kind of had to. Also I might do a wedding installment if you guys want, but I'm not sure yet. Let me know, yeah? (: **


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